Without Appetite

I've been off my feed of late.  That's an extremely indelicate turn of phrase, isn't it?  I think it's what's commonly used to refer to barnyard animals refusing their mash.  Although I may occasionally pretend to a certain gentility, I hereby confess to a definite liking for those animalistic-type idiomatic expressions.  "Off my feed."  It's almost, although not quite, as good as inviting one's dinner guests to "strap on the ol' feed bag." 

In any case, I just haven't been able to shake intermittent shooting stomach cramps, headaches, laggardly sleep patterns and just general, all-round feelings of malaise.  My sinus infection is long gone, but I had to remain on  a course of antibiotics for 10 days -- and then I had to take some more antibiotics to clear up the symptoms brought on by the first round of antibiotics.  I never react well to these drugs, but this time I feel like the cure has been worse than the illness. 

I had chalked all the sickness up to drugs in my system -- but then G was mysteriously stricken with dizziness/vertigo and a raging fever, all without any particular respiratory or intestinal symptoms.  Very strange. 

So all this leaves us with the sad truth that food just hasn't been of much interest to either of us for some little time now.   I mean we do get hungry, and we do eat -- I just don't get a yen for anything in particular, and I eat to fill my belly rather than to satisfy an appetite. 

It's a bit strange to feel this way, so uncaring about meals; I guess I wonder if this is how other people live.  You know who I mean:  the people who call you "Betty Crocker" or "Suzie Homemaker" behind your back because you bring homebaked goodies to work to share with them (or I guess if you're a guy they call you "Emeril" or "Ace of  Cakes" or something like that).  They're the same folks who seem think it's an act of horrendous vanity or grievous indulgence to put time or effort into farm-market shopping and homemade meals -- who have more or less made a virtue not only of eating grim frozen pizza and joyless chicken nuggets, but of giving them to their kids as well.  So many people behave as if they're somehow above caring about what they eat; feeding themselves a few times a day is a burden, rather than any sort of pleasure (although a lot of them confess to watching the Food Channel -- which many of the people I know who actually cook, almost never do.  I, for example, usually reserve the Food Channel for when I'm strapped into a Jet Blue seat with 37 channels of DirectTV in my face -- or if I'm getting a pedicure, and they have the close-caption on).  And sometimes, some of these non-cooking-type people act as if you (because you DO care about food, and what you eat, and what other people eat) are someone who is simply not to be taken seriously in any other arena. 

What it makes me realize is that the act of taking joy in my food is, in itself, a pleasure to me.  And when I don't feel the pleasure in the pleasure that I normally take, that in itself makes me melancholic, if not downright miserable. 

This morning we went to do some necessary food shopping, since there were regular staples that we needed.  And I stood in the cold room at Fairway, surrounded by thousands of pounds of comestibles, and couldn't think of a single thing that I actually wanted to cook or eat. 

I just have to wait a bit until this passes, which it surely will, and I will be back here at AFIEP with something delicious to tell about or try or share.  I'll hang in there, and hopefully you will, too, till it's time to strap on the ol' feed bag again.

Comments

[Bakerina]

Honey, I'm right there with you, in the illness orbit (Lloyd has a savage bronchial infection and is on an aggressive antibiotic regime), in the food-based malaise, in the unease over it all. Don't you worry. I'm not going anywhere. :)

[Betty]

ay, julie mama, so sorry to hear you and g have been under the weather. i will light a candle to la virgen maria (no!) and all the saints to cure you of this feeling of food fuchiness. xo, b.

[Nicole]

I had very bad IBS years ago, and am in a flare up of it now, and it's hard to feel enthusiastic about food when you know it may cause you to feel so awful. I feel nauseated when I get hungry, and nauseated when I eat. So, I'm right there with you. Trying to find something to eat is a chore right now, not a pleasure.

Your appetite will come back, as will the pleasure. I'm sure :)

As for "barnyard saying", I love them too. "Bullshit" is so gloriously American. Simple, direct, to the point, and totally related to the barn. Love it.

N.

[Tea]

Hope you start feeling better soon!

[mari]

Hang in there Missy, may your taste buds blossom again very soon!

[Marce]

I know what you mean about not understanding people feeling uninterested in food all their lives, and seeing it as just a way to refuel (probably not with the best nutrients either.) Here in Argentina, we have a similar view to that of Italians in terms of food, most people enjoy eating, and acknowledge the fact that they are eating and what they are eating, which must be the first step to eating better, since it´s hard to know you are eating crap if you are just munching away while glued to the tv.
But anyway, I´ve been in your situation of not feeling too well and losing interest in food as a result, and I know how frustrating it can be to those of us who love food, but hang in there, it´ll pass soon, and we´ll be right here with you to enjoy your food discoveries (and you can write about other stuff anyways, shutting up those who assume you are unidimensional ;)
Take care!

[Joe Conason]

I am so sorry that this malaise is lingering. See you when we get home...xxx

[Cathy]

Hi Julie - I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. Hope you're appetite and good health return soon!

[Zarah Maria]

I know what you're saying, Julie - even though it's been summer and glorious produce is all around, I haven't been much up to it lately. Don't know why (luckily I haven't been sick, like you) but that's just the way it goes sometimes, I guess. We'll be back in the game in our own due time - who knows, maybe a little pasta challenge would get us on the right track?:)

To good health returning!

[Julie]

Dear friends and readers -- many thanks for all your good wishes. It seems we're on the mend -- I'm finally feeling better, and G's fever broke yesterday (it had been alarmingly high, and I think that my threatening him with a trip to the emergency room or at least a doctor caused the fever to back down and go into retreat)...

Bakerina, darlin' -- I'm feeling well enough to say let's make a plan! I have buckwheat flour for you!

Betty mama -- your candle to the virgencita (no!)has gotten a response! Can't wait to see you in November.

Hey Nicole -- it's funny how we have such a nostalgia for farm language -- especially those of us, like me, who have never exactly been farm girls, to our eternal regret...

Thanks Tea -- I just want to get well enough to make those wonderful buckwheat pancakes of yours, even if blueberry season has gone...

Oh Mari, I very much appreciate the sentiment, as well as your visit! Here's to blossoming taste-buds for us all...

Hey Marce -- isn't it strange that people here have such disdain for a healthy interest in their meals -- and yet we're high scorers in obesity in this country? BTW, I have long thought about expanding this blog's scope to be about other subjects too -- perhaps, as you suggest, now's the time.

Bro dear -- can't wait to see you too.

Cathy, thanks so much for your good wishes. Hope to see you again, perhaps on a trip to NYC?

Zarah, let's think about this -- we should definitely make a transatlantic blogging pasta date, don't you think? Thanks much for your kind thoughts.

[Sarah]

Glad to hear you're feeling better already! I agree, it's weird how many people who don't cook, or really care about food, watch food tv. They treat it like a sport they're fans of but don't play. In some ways, I wonder if watching cooking happen on TV makes it seem LESS accessible as a skill?

[Julie]

Hey Sarah -- I guess you're right; Food Network viewers see cooking as a spectator sport or event. In the same way, I'm fascinated by watching people attempt to summit Everest on a Travel Channel program, but it's very unlikely that I'll ever try it myself. And you're right, it looks even more unattainable when I see everything it entails on TV. So cooking is an Everest for some people, I suppose. Seems strange to those of us for whom it's second nature...

[Debi]

Don't forget to eat some good yoghurt after taking antibiotics to re-introduce the "good" stuff back into your system. Sorry to hear you've been feeling low.

[Julie]

Hey Debi dear -- I've been eating yogurt and taking acidophilus probiotics as well -- and thanks for both your wise counsel and your concern..

[Help For Sinus Infection]

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